Where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a "famous" rapper?

I am obsessed with everything Kardashian, go ahead - judge me, I don't care. I love all their staged reality show episodes; I love all the irrelevant shit they do that doesn't benefit our society; I love the 20 pounds of makeup they wear on their faces for us, the $800 YSL and Christian Louboutin heels they wear to look cute for us cuz every day is a photoshoot. I mean, I'm not afraid to put it out there, I'd like to be adopted as their 6th sister. Sonya Kardashian sounds pretty nice, right? Actually, I am thinking of legally changing my name, yet again, to Sonya Kreizmanian.
This morning, I saw Kim twitter about what a dream come true it is for her to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. Wow, come to think of how famous this girl has become from simply making a sex tape with a rapper is truly an accomplishment. I mean she is more famous than that Ray J guy nowadays! She should be idolized by all men and women alike and should serve as a "Become a Celeb for Dummies" spokesperson.
Now, where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a rapper? My goal is to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan by 2012 before the world ends. If you know any rappers, please email/text/bbm/twitter/facebook and lastly call me ;)