Where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a "famous" rapper?

I am obsessed with everything Kardashian, go ahead - judge me, I don't care. I love all their staged reality show episodes; I love all the irrelevant shit they do that doesn't benefit our society; I love the 20 pounds of makeup they wear on their faces for us, the $800 YSL and Christian Louboutin heels they wear to look cute for us cuz every day is a photoshoot. I mean, I'm not afraid to put it out there, I'd like to be adopted as their 6th sister. Sonya Kardashian sounds pretty nice, right? Actually, I am thinking of legally changing my name, yet again, to Sonya Kreizmanian.
This morning, I saw Kim twitter about what a dream come true it is for her to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. Wow, come to think of how famous this girl has become from simply making a sex tape with a rapper is truly an accomplishment. I mean she is more famous than that Ray J guy nowadays! She should be idolized by all men and women alike and should serve as a "Become a Celeb for Dummies" spokesperson.
Now, where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a rapper? My goal is to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan by 2012 before the world ends. If you know any rappers, please email/text/bbm/twitter/facebook and lastly call me ;)

I couldn't have said it better myself

After looking at some sickly pix of the ICONIC figure that is Victoria Beckham, I came across a comment that pretty much summarized my deep inner feelings during my lunchtime:

"I'm so sick of these walking eating disorders being praised and admired when in fact they are seriously effed in the head.
I was about to go make myself a sandwich for lunch, but I guess now I'll just go nibble a piece of lettuce and then spit it out and then run 6 miles to purge myself of all that food I ate. Fuck."
- Submitted by hotmess119 on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 11:01am.

My New Addiction

I had a bad morning filled with anxiety and panic attacks because my new favorite website did not work for a while and scared me with all sorts of messages such as: "this website domain no longer exists" and "the page you are looking for might have been removed" etc.
I pretty much said my goodbyes in my mind, since I am almost 100% sure that the content on this site is illegal and it will soon be reported and/or sued..but in the meantime, the site is BACK, and I couldn't be happier...
ENJOY - http://peopleofwalmart.com/

p.s. this is EXACTLY the reason why only LADY GAGA can get away with wearing NO PANTS.


p.p.s. thank GOD for their twitter updates reassuring us everything is ok and they will be back up soon! http://twitter.com/peopleofwalmart

Quote of The Day

"If God has the time to work on this production and that's the best God can do, then we are all in trouble"
- Anderson Hays Cooper (although i think he should legally substitute H. to stand for Hot and not Hays)
I would just like to ask the Miss Universe Pageant Organization one question, did they actually pay Heidi Montag to sing because they knew their ratings were going to be low and the only way to attract a broader audience was to hire a bad dancing, bad lip-syncing, fame seeking blond bimbo so we'd all tune in and laugh? I think their plan backfired, because more people talk about Heidi's (my fingers refuse to type the word "performance" in this sentence, I just looked up the antonym, and the dictionary told me "failure" so that sounds about right) than the actual pageant...go figure.

Allow Me...

Allow me to put in my 2 cents...

Many of my friends have been addressing numerous Lady Gaga related questions to me since I know more about her than any subject i studied at school...and i guess i deserve it since I've converted to Lady Gaga-ism. So Here it goes, my opinion on the infamous & controversial question about Gaga's Hermaphrodite-ness. Here is the dumb video that started this rumor -

I'm sorry but whatever brain-dead loser started this rumor obviously has never seen a penis in their uneventful lifetime...I DON'T see anything. So, no I don't think Gaga has a big dick because we would have all seen it a million times.
Another reason to love her: this is what she posted on her fbook page in response to this funny situation:

Lady Gaga "Love you Japan! Pokerface just went #1! Thanku!!. My show was so good last night. I just had to go home and suck my own hermie dick, suckka" - August 7 at 8:43pm

maybe just the hair...

OMG

OMG, I'm sorry but how is my boyfriend, Bruce Willis supposed to SAVE US when we don't have enough funds to detect big ass, catastrophic asteroids?
According to an article on cnn.com, NASA will not meet its goal of tracking 90 percent of all deadly asteroids by 2020 without MORE funding.
Well fuck that, stop buying $1695.00 pair of boots and $3000 chanel bags and let's start putting money in Brucey's pension on a mission fund!
Thanks.

Quote of the Day

as always, Michael K Dlisted makes my day: "two young girls crying with excitement, because they are posing with amateur porn star Kim Kardassian"

LOL of the Day

As I was reading MY morning version of the NY Times on the train...aka the genius that is Michael K's www.dlisted.com, I saw a lil news update about our Ms. Blohan doing a photo shoot for Spanish Vogue as Marilyn Monroe.

Lol as you read below:

"Why does HoHan hate Marilyn Monroe so much? If HoHan loved Marilyn unconditionally, she would quit dragging her beautiful image through the gutter

by posing as her over and over again. We all know what happend the last time. It wasn't pretty.

I mean, Marilyn Monroe's body TODAY probably looks better than this trick. When you're trying to look like Marilyn Monroe, but only end up looking like Pamela Anderson after getting gang banged by a dozen sumo wrestlers, it's time to hang up your wig and give it up.

Here's more of HoHan working the hardest she has all month at a photo shoot for Spanish Vogue."

Now I don't have anything againt Lindsay, when i met her @ Bungalow8, she was a very sweet girl...Yes, I was at the tanorexic stage of my life in the picture below, my skin tone is closer to Michael Jackson's color nowdays.

It's great that she's doing work these days, but I'd like to ask Spanish Vogue why take America's leftovers and put her in their magazine?