My Predictions for Miss Tranniverse

Dear Mr. Trump,

your contest should be named "Miss Tranniverse."

Before I get to giving out awards for the headshots, I'd like to point out that Miss Guyana's picture definitely caught my eye...

The Award for Fake lashes goes to Angola:

The Award for Trannylicious Lips goes to Serbia and Ireland

The award for Who the fuck thought these accessories look good goes to Tanzania:

and finally my pick for Miss Tranniverse 2010 goes to US Virgin Islands:

When Bad Videos Happen to Good Songs

So, I just watched the highly anticipated music video for one of Eminem's hits off his new album - Love the Way You Lie.

Unfortunately, I found the viewers' comments more exciting than the video.

"Don't you hate when a good song is ruined by a shit video?

Meagan Fox and that dude from lost and their shitting

acting, kissing and fighting all over the video making no

fucking sense. One minute they're mad. Then they're

shoplifting, Then they're on fire?

Rihanna looks like she has herpes again. She's

singing softly and angelic yet dressed like a biker

whore, with circus hair.

Best part is when Eminem is on a field of tall grass then

he starts to burn for no fucking reason.

What?"

"Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick should be in this video lolz""

"Did anyone else noticed the way Rihanna was singing this? Not her tone but the way she was making faces & biting her lip like it was something sexy about 'liking the way it hurts'?This is why I can’t take her seriously as a domestic violence victim."

"I wish Megan Fox would spit in my face!"

Enjoy the video:

FALLEN PRINCESSES

Dina Goldstein has really captured my attention with her Fallen Princesses photographs that take the conventional Happily Ever After Disney stories and put them into modern day perspective.
What if Disney kept it real with the little girls and showed them a not so happy outcome of an unfortunate life...


What if Princess Jasmine from Aladdin lived in the Middle East today...would she find herself in war zone defending her kingdom with an AK47?


What if Princess Belle from Beauty and the Beast lived in our youth-obsessed society, would she be regular at Dr. 90210 maintaining her "Belle" reputation?

A photograph that truly touched me and has left an unsettling dose of reality was a picture of Rapunzel...sitting on a hospital bed with her famous and lustrous braid by her side. What if Rapunzel had cancer and lost her hair during chemotherapy?



Unfortunately the exhibit, so far, only took place in Vancouver, CA at the Buschlen Mowatt Gallery from Oct 15-Nov 15, but you can check out all the amazing photographs on Dina Goldstein's website - http://www.fallenprincesses.com/

Where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a "famous" rapper?

I am obsessed with everything Kardashian, go ahead - judge me, I don't care. I love all their staged reality show episodes; I love all the irrelevant shit they do that doesn't benefit our society; I love the 20 pounds of makeup they wear on their faces for us, the $800 YSL and Christian Louboutin heels they wear to look cute for us cuz every day is a photoshoot. I mean, I'm not afraid to put it out there, I'd like to be adopted as their 6th sister. Sonya Kardashian sounds pretty nice, right? Actually, I am thinking of legally changing my name, yet again, to Sonya Kreizmanian.
This morning, I saw Kim twitter about what a dream come true it is for her to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine. Wow, come to think of how famous this girl has become from simply making a sex tape with a rapper is truly an accomplishment. I mean she is more famous than that Ray J guy nowadays! She should be idolized by all men and women alike and should serve as a "Become a Celeb for Dummies" spokesperson.
Now, where do I sign up to make a sex tape with a rapper? My goal is to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan by 2012 before the world ends. If you know any rappers, please email/text/bbm/twitter/facebook and lastly call me ;)

The definition of FML

I have never wanted to say FML more and meant it.





I secretly wish that her parents were my parents so they could pay for me to star in my own remake ot Lady Gaga's Paparazzi video, although i'd NEVER replace Alexander Skarsgard with a 9 year old shirtless boy.

I am just speechless - Dlisted sums it up nicely

LOL of the Day

I've recently become obsessed with dancing reality TV shows: America's Best Dance Crew, Dancing with the Stars, So You Think You Can Dance, etc...all these shows make me blame my Mom and Dad on a daily basis for not pushing and shoving me into all possible dance classes when I was younger. Living with regrets at age 23..sigh. FML.

So, i guess last night's episode of So You Think You Can Dance showed a contestant that fell to the floor with so much excitement that she had a vajayjay slip. Don't judge, maybe she is allergic to wearing panties. Anyways, as always, Dlisted says it best:

"Our pure eyes have been tainted. We should have never boarded the Mayflower and come to America. But seriously, it's just a damn vagina. We've all seen one. A little snatch flash isn't going to turn our nation's children into drug addicted sluts with no morals. They will do that on their own." - dlisted.com

"Oh SHIT! A WHALE CAUGHT IN FISHNET!!!!"

I WANTED TO WISH YOU ALL A HAPPY MONDAY MORNING by sharing the following image with you (courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com) So please, before you begin your daily FML facebook/twitter/bbm updates about how much you hate Mondays and everything your boss makes you do, think of her FML thoughts.

Shana Tova to all my Jews

If you refuse to do anymore work on this Friday, just tell your boss something he has NEVER known about you before - you are Jewish...today :)


Happy 5770 New Year!!!

Fashion Week: Possible Side Effects

Dear Fashion Week,

Please advise your stuck up designers and participants to do something better for the world instead of showcasing pieces of unreasonably overpriced fabric on women who get paid to starve and purge themselves. Maybe, Fashion Week should take place in a country where food IS scarce and women are sickly and "naturally" thin due to the lack of resources and nourishment, and while you are at it - feed them and the other starving people of that country.
For as long as the fashion world insists on showcasing overpriced "must-have trends of the season" on unrealistic and malnourished looking women, we will continue to see credit card debt (you can thank Manolo Blahnik for selling you heels that hurt your feet starting at $800 and up and Chanel for selling you a bag starting at $2000 and up) as well as countless eating disorders, diet fads and diet products that are dangerous and cause people to go to the hospital.

I demand that from now on, all Fashion Week shows must include the following disclaimer:

Fashion Week may cause such side effects as:
aggressiveness, anxiety, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, chest pain, cocaine abuse, credit card debt, decreased sex drive, decreased appetite, depression, difficulty swallowing, headache, high blood pressure, migraine, nausea, nervousness, nose bleed, pain, paranoia, plastic surgery, rapid mood shifts, thoughts of harming yourself, etc.

Unfortunately, this probably won't change much since most prescription medicines come with these disclaimers and people still insist on abusing prescription pills ;)

It is a beautiful, beautiful world.

I couldn't have said it better myself

After looking at some sickly pix of the ICONIC figure that is Victoria Beckham, I came across a comment that pretty much summarized my deep inner feelings during my lunchtime:

"I'm so sick of these walking eating disorders being praised and admired when in fact they are seriously effed in the head.
I was about to go make myself a sandwich for lunch, but I guess now I'll just go nibble a piece of lettuce and then spit it out and then run 6 miles to purge myself of all that food I ate. Fuck."
- Submitted by hotmess119 on Fri, 09/11/2009 - 11:01am.

I think I just found my Halloween Costume and it will only cost me $6.85

"90 people get the Swine Flu and everyone wears a face mask. Millions of people have AIDS but noone wears a condom."

I am so amused right now by a website called Flu Armour that sells "Pandemic Influenza Defense System Products." You can order a variety of goodies such as Masks, Gloves, Wipes, Protective Goggles, Emergency Food Supply for 4 weeks, and MY personal favorite - the Disposable Coverall Suit.


Ladies and Gentleman, I hereby declare that on October 31, 2009 I will go dressed as "Swine Girl" for Halloween. Please refrain from asking me such dumb questions as:
"Who are you supposed to be?" DUH - I will be Swine Girl in this sexy get-up for a whopping $6.85.

My New Addiction

I had a bad morning filled with anxiety and panic attacks because my new favorite website did not work for a while and scared me with all sorts of messages such as: "this website domain no longer exists" and "the page you are looking for might have been removed" etc.
I pretty much said my goodbyes in my mind, since I am almost 100% sure that the content on this site is illegal and it will soon be reported and/or sued..but in the meantime, the site is BACK, and I couldn't be happier...
ENJOY - http://peopleofwalmart.com/

p.s. this is EXACTLY the reason why only LADY GAGA can get away with wearing NO PANTS.


p.p.s. thank GOD for their twitter updates reassuring us everything is ok and they will be back up soon! http://twitter.com/peopleofwalmart

Quote of The Day

"If God has the time to work on this production and that's the best God can do, then we are all in trouble"
- Anderson Hays Cooper (although i think he should legally substitute H. to stand for Hot and not Hays)
I would just like to ask the Miss Universe Pageant Organization one question, did they actually pay Heidi Montag to sing because they knew their ratings were going to be low and the only way to attract a broader audience was to hire a bad dancing, bad lip-syncing, fame seeking blond bimbo so we'd all tune in and laugh? I think their plan backfired, because more people talk about Heidi's (my fingers refuse to type the word "performance" in this sentence, I just looked up the antonym, and the dictionary told me "failure" so that sounds about right) than the actual pageant...go figure.

Quote of the Day

"97% of Hollywood, the entire state of Florida, every person with the last name Lohan and half the bankers on Wall Street just moved to Mexico. ARRIBA!" - Dlisted.com

Well, well, well, just when we all thought Mexico was THE location for a guaranteed memory loss Spring Break, Mexico now guarantees you to have a drug-induced coma Spring Break. Apparently, "No charges will be brought against ... addicts or consumers who are found in possession of any narcotic for personal use," the Senate bill reads. Wow, what a nice country!
Let's keep the addicts addicted and turn the consumers into addicts since they ALWAYS need some narcotics for "personal use" to keep the high going.
You can legally carry the following amounts of drugs in your fannypack in Mexico: 5 grams of weed, the equivalent of about four joints. Half a gram of cocaine, the equivalent of about 4 lines. 50 milligrams of heroin, 40 milligrams of methamphetamine and 0.015 milligrams of LSD.
Just out of curiosity, what did they set as an acceptable and "legal" DUI limit for an amount of drugs to be in somebody's system before they get physically impaired, get behind the wheel and take away somebody's life?

Allow Me...

Allow me to put in my 2 cents...

Many of my friends have been addressing numerous Lady Gaga related questions to me since I know more about her than any subject i studied at school...and i guess i deserve it since I've converted to Lady Gaga-ism. So Here it goes, my opinion on the infamous & controversial question about Gaga's Hermaphrodite-ness. Here is the dumb video that started this rumor -

I'm sorry but whatever brain-dead loser started this rumor obviously has never seen a penis in their uneventful lifetime...I DON'T see anything. So, no I don't think Gaga has a big dick because we would have all seen it a million times.
Another reason to love her: this is what she posted on her fbook page in response to this funny situation:

Lady Gaga "Love you Japan! Pokerface just went #1! Thanku!!. My show was so good last night. I just had to go home and suck my own hermie dick, suckka" - August 7 at 8:43pm

maybe just the hair...

OMG

OMG, I'm sorry but how is my boyfriend, Bruce Willis supposed to SAVE US when we don't have enough funds to detect big ass, catastrophic asteroids?
According to an article on cnn.com, NASA will not meet its goal of tracking 90 percent of all deadly asteroids by 2020 without MORE funding.
Well fuck that, stop buying $1695.00 pair of boots and $3000 chanel bags and let's start putting money in Brucey's pension on a mission fund!
Thanks.

Quote of the Day

as always, Michael K Dlisted makes my day: "two young girls crying with excitement, because they are posing with amateur porn star Kim Kardassian"

GET RICH

Just when I thought i was gonna get rich from selling my stuff on the internet, i get this in response. FML





"Hi,

I noticed your ad for the shoes. I just happened to be a guy who has
a foot/shoe fetish. Would you be interested in selling me your shoes?
By the way, how would you feel about doing a foot fetish session? I
see you have very pretty feet since u wear these sexy shoes.
I would pay well for that. I am a 30 year old, professional
executive. I'd like to meet up at perhaps a starbucks so that we both
feel comfortable. Let me know how you feel and if u'd be interested.

thanks"

to make the story worse, i facebook searched his email address and a profile actually came up. What a creep.

I am not YOUR MAMI!!!!

I AM NOT YOUR MAMI!

Walking through NYC streets during lunch hour can be claustrophobic enough, so I could really do without the assholes who stand around and get up in my face to call me "Mami" and "sexy" along with any other Spanish or English phrases I try to block out as I frantically dial somebody to seem busy on the phone. Why is this accepted? Women don't stand around calling guys "sexy" and "papi" in the streets, maybe after midnight on certain streets, but still...
I am furious because I was having a very intimate moment with a cookie i was devouring as I walked and while I was in the middle of sensually biting into it, like a vampire would bite a human (I've been watching too much True Blood lately), a fucking idiot had to get close and call me "Mami!" WTF??? my special, intimate moment RUINED.
I like to think of these stupid & sad human beings as paparazzi without a camera.
You know, come to think of it, I'd rather be famous because the harassment is pretty much the same - so what's a few more blinding flashes along with the "mami" and "sexy" and "ooohhh damn girl you looking good today" AND the kissy noises as if I'm a fucking puppy. No, I will not run to you and lick your face!

PLEASE GO TO HELL

http://perezhilton.com/2009-08-05-listen-up-doug-paris-dog-house-is-damn-comfortable